new year, new life

it was my first ever Christmas here in reno and it was quite good for some reason. i got a lot of gifts and all of it was mostly clothing for winter because it is winter here and it's quite cold but tolerable. it hasn't snow for the past few weeks but i still consider this as my first ever white Christmas. not too much snow this season yet, but maybe in the next few months. over all it was all good.

everything is changing in my life except for the fact that my mom is still so annoying. she keeps telling me how lazy i am even though i am working so much to do most of the house work. i mean i should at least get some credit for what i do but instead she just keeps on yapping to me on how my ways in the philippines is not gonna work here, but men i changed my ways so much. credit please! my god! i can't believe her and i don't try to argue to her about what i feel because she won't listen to it. She always thinks she is right in everything which is not and gets so fuckin annoying. i mean yeah they might be the older ones but geez! when you're wrong admit it for a change and for crying out loud, but i guess adults will never change cause they will never listen to kids because they are always right and the kids are always wrong. i mean yeah maybe not all the time but MOST of the time they do.

ebilnes

for once i actually think i'm being punished by God for all my evil deeds. i sorta got some skin allergy or something. its like my skin is being pinned by a needle and gets all itchy, men it feels like hell. i cannot believe this is happening to me, i mean i don't deserve this its killing me. even for those evil deeds haha! it just like sorta happens everyday at some point. i don't know what the hell is causing it and man i wish it stops. christmas is coming so that's why it needs to stop or better yet i need to see a doctor or something. haha! and speaking of christmas, i cannot feel the spirit of it and with less than a month to go. i mean when i was in the philippines, i can feel the spirit of christmas way in the month of september. oh well i would just have to live with this. there is nothing i can do anyway, and whining about it won't really help.

friends

i just had a long phone call from my friends which was really nice. it reminded me of the good times when i was still in the philippines. they're still doing the same old things but just without me. it seems they are good, and will continue to improve their lives. hopefuly we'll meet again someday and do our stuffs again once more. i mean i could not ask for better friends than them because i know they are the best i could ever have. the good times will come again in the near future. pray for the best in life.

unfortunately

i didn't make it in the try out. oh well i wasn't expecting anything from the beggining anyway. the try out was bad for me because i really wasn't able to show what i can do due to lack of preparation that leads to my legs unable to cope up with me and the same goes with my stamina. but i can only blame myself in that. i took things for granted. actually i wasn't expecting that my legs would fail me but it happened and i coudn't do anything which was quite dissapointing. but overall i enjoyed it even though i performed poorly. i will definetely try again if given the chance. i really do hope i do get another chance to tryout for any team cause i really want to play. but as for now i can only reflect on my mistakes so that the next time i can really put up a challenge. no regrets but only myselft to blame for failing. that is all there is to it.

try out

today i had my try out for a football/soccer club. i know i didn't do good because it's like my stamina can't cope up because i really wasn't in shape to play but even though i almost died. i withstood the 2 1/2 hour of it with no water because my mom went somewhere with my water. i know i can get in the team if i'm in good shape and if i try really really hard, i'm not quitting, i'm gonna give myself another chance even if its slim. but even if i won't make it, it's perfectly fine because i enjoyed it somehow. it was fun the americans are nice but not too much with the mexicans. there is a second try out at saturday. and there is still 2 days to at least prepare even more. i'm gonna try as hard in the last 2 days so i can at least get enough stamina to play good. i don't know if the 2 days jog to death can make a lot of difference but i know any difference is good than nothing at all.

Desperately trying to speak the words i've been wanting to say for a long time

the sadness keeps drowning my fragile heart, its like a good dream but when the conversation with my friends ends so as my good dream. it takes me back to the reality that I'm alone. no one can ever deny that fact even if you say its not because you're so far away to even say that. so most probably it will just become a lie even though how much you wanted it to become the truth. and so the sadness continues...

great moments, they pass by if you're careless

everynight i see you in my dreams, you keep on haunting me everynight, will you ever stop? you're eyes always looking straight at me and mine straight back at you. but we're strangers to each other, and that fact will never change. goodbye goodnight.

asshole

I'm so pissed, why the hell do i have to always settle for less for someone else's comfort. i can't handle this anymore. FUCK! i definitely deserve better. i can't speak for what i want because i know it might cause arguement among my mom and his ass husband. but the hell its so darn frustrating.

otisim part 2

nahihilo ako kasi nakainom ako ng panis na gatas, hahahaha! ay dko pla alam kung dahil tlga yun dun inimbento ko lang yun. basta nahihilo ako umiikot ung mundo. merry go round there's so many lambs around wuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!!! i see stars and i see you........

ipuf tsk tsk tsk, lol

isang araw papunta kami ng ascom nila toff at marc tapos nakasakay kami sa jeep galing guadalups. tas nag stop ung driver kasi stop light tas may nakatapat na jeep tapos kakilala nya ung driver, tapos nag usap sila. tapos eto ang kanilang pinag usapan: hahahahahaha

manong driver 1: oi asan na siya?
manong driver 2: wla na pinakulong ko na..
sa ilalim ng drum
manong driver1: OMG! bkt?
manong driver2: illegal eh!
manong driver1: anong illegal?
manong driver2: illegal possession of ugly face = ipuf?

legend:
(manong driver2 = the driver of the jeep we are riding)
(manong driver1 = colleague)

tas puta nung una dedma kasi nagkwentuhan kami tas naririnig kasi tlga lakas ng boses nung mama amp, taena tawa kami ng tawa. grabe imagination nung driver amf. hahahahaha!!! tas lahat ng panget = ipuf na.. watta word

life is simple and dull

a carefree life, a stupid mind, an unending misery. all mixed into one and that is most likely to be my life. i don't know and i don't care about anything. so many annoying things. i just want a place where i can simply lie down, away from everything. i want a secluded place where i can escape froma all this. a little island in the middle of nowhere. where i can simply feel nostalgic all the time. the greatest feeling for me. nostalgia

otisim part 1

all i want is everything... am i asking too much?

futbol

i want to playyyyyyyyyyy and i neeeeeeed some chances to play. COLLEGE REJECT ME HIGH SCHOOL EMBRACE ME AND TAKE ME BACK. hahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!! puta absurd. mga kapitbahay labas naman kayo puro kayo pagpapataba jan sa loob ng bahay nyo kaya lahat kayo ay mga OBIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS hindi man lang CHUBYY NA CUTE kung hindi MATABANG OBISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS wahahahah sabog na ko umaga na kasi STAK AP NA UTAK KO HELP ME!!!! ay ay, dko pala kelangan ng help. wahahahahahaha

a quiet afternoon filled with thoughts

life is pretty boring, i wish it could just be somewhat interesting.

life, it won't ever be good enough

i was thinking considerably the benefits of being in college and not going back to high school. i mean it's not really that bad to go back at least i can still play futbol but it seems i can't. i will be in college soon and there will be no more futbol i guess. i mean it's so hard to let go of playing futbol but i have to, it's totally gudbye for the sport. there's no other chance to play rather than in school for me. i guess that's the way it's gonna end and i won't be able to do anything about it. like some saying in a disney cartoon. "sometimes bad things happen and you won't be able to do anything about it." i guess i kinda expected too much. oh well that's life and you can never be too happy.

twilight

"My life is adrift wandering around aimlessly in this god forsaken place, full of confusion and thoughts. it's not good but not too bad at all, i guess that it's just stuck at this point in time where there is nowhere to go."

3-kowalski

naalala ko nung 3rd year tapos english class, kasi after examination so kailangan namin gumawa ng evaluation dun sa teacher and sa subject so un kuha kami 1/4 piece of paper. then kasama ko si vino at si corn bali tatlo kami so un natripan namin na gaguhin ung evaluation kasi hindi naman kailangan ng pangalan so hindi kami malalaman. so un kuha kami mga 2 pcs of paper each at nilagay namin dun mga stuff about cellular providers like ung sa globe "connecting people" tas sa smart "simply amazing" tapos madami pa kami nilagay na kagaguhan mga quotes na di ko na maalala, so un pinasa tapos binasa nung teacher haha!! taena pasimple pa kaming walang alam sa ginawa tawang tawa kami nung binabasa nung teacher kasi kunwari wala kaming alam nakikitawa lang kami sa mga kaklase para painosente effect, hahaha!! so un ginawa ata namin un for 2 quarters except nung 4th year kasi si doombringer na teacher eh, baka madoom kami, hahahah!!!!

hiphap

my mom can sometimes get pretty annoying, she has one sided biased opinion on fashion. and that is hiphap and loose clothing my goodness, she keeps on telling me how cool to wear loose clothing and how gay it is to wear semi-fit jeans and clothes. it's quite annoying really because there is not in a million chance that i would wear loose clothing. and man he pestered me with my haircut because she thinks it sucks, like duh! i preffer long hair rather than the shorty gay hair. oh well i won't succumb to her beliefs.

stak ap!

"it's like hitting the reset button and starting all over again."

pota nakakburat ang pagdating ko dito sa reno kasi taena disyerto nakakatamad miski maganda bahay namin la nmn lock kwarto wala din saysay hahaha!! tapos daming sibak at chicanong gangster na mukang mga hoodlum amp! buti nlng di kami sa ghetto neighborhood kung hindi patay kasi magulo! at wala pa kami sa downtown kaya mejo nakakatamd pero ok lng kaso mga bugok kapitbahay namin kasi hindi lumalabas amp! at ang lamig pa ng bahay kasi may aircon na centralized tapos hindi ko pa alam pano i edit ung temp. pero ayos na din sa ngaun, kelangan ko ng lakas ng loob para maka go through in this stage of my fuckin life. hindi kasi ganun ka-ok eh parang mas maganda pa din kung sa pilipinas ako titira or some other state na maayos barok kasi dito disyerto at parang onti ng population kaya panget kasi gusto ko sa madaming tao para mejo nakakutwa naman. un mejo stak ap buhay ko at utak walang direction sa ngaun. daming stuff na complicated like my haircut and the way i dress. sana hindi nalang ako kontrahin ng nanay ko, mejo wala din pala ganong freedom. kala ko matutuwa ako pero sa ngaun hindi kasi parang nasa paranyake lang ako sa mga tita ko sa pilipinas boring, kala ko nga magiging interesting life ko eh pero sa ngaun hindi pa din eh pero sana soon. :D

idiots

putangina sana mamatay na lahat ng nagpapahirap sa buhay ko. nakaka bwistet kasi pinapahirap ng mga tanginang mga tao ang aking napaksimpleng buhay, ginagawa nila itong komplikado para sakin, katulad nalang ng aking putanginang tiyuhin na ginastos ang aking dapat na alawans na 2500 putangina talaga, e dapat pang gastos ko un pambli ng load sa cellphone at sa RO, at panggastos kasi pupunta kaming ust, e kaso putangina ginastos nya nga kaya nkakabwiset mag iisip pa tuloy ako kung pano ako magkakapera bukas kasi 50 nlng pera ko putangina talaga imbis na maganda tulog ko ngaun masama tuloy at dahil sa ka tanginahang ginawa nya mag aantay tuloy ako hanggang baka sa friday para magka alawans ulet putangina talaga sinong matutuwa nun lalo na kapag na delay pa at next week ko pa makuha edi mas lalo akong mabubwiset dahil sa kaputanginahan nya!!! (sorry for the foul words it's just so goddamn frustrating, on second thought. it's a rant so might as well use foul words to ease my fucking frustration)

secluded

I'm not feeling too nice about my surrounding, i mean for once i wanted to be separated from all the people. i want to stay in a secluded island far away from everyone. I'm getting sick and tired of trying to comprehend with everyone. and I'm getting too paranoid with everything that is going in my life. it's killing me, i hate it so much and as much as possible like I've said i wanted to be alone for a while, stay in a secluded island or a somewhat dream world where only i exist. so i can look on what has happened to me for the past months, recall myself and put back together a part of me that is lost. but maybe, just maybe it was already lost forever? but then again someone can bring it back...

"Someday i know for sure paranoia is gonna kill me, one way or the other."

facedown

it's gonna be over soon because i'm gonna be gone for good but there is still one real question in my head. Will people miss me? hehe most probably not, no one could care less about me going anyway. they will just eventually forget about me and by the time i will take my vacation no one knows me anymore, sadly but that is the truth. like a bad memory simply forgotten so easily.

dull night

"I can only try to do as much. and sadly it won't ever be enough to sooth the unending sadness within. Hope is nothing more than a word for it doesn't have any essence of which can ease the sadness. time is not on my side, it never was. and pretty soon time will run out and everything good i have with it."

annoying

geez for the past 3-4 months people have been asking when will i go to the states. And fuck i'm sick of their fucking questions. why the hell can't they just wait for me to be gone dammit. i'm sick of answering that patheticness. i mean why the hell do i have to answer it all the time? they won't even be affected when i'm gone anyway. stupid people, idiot people. tss

waiting

this sucks because for quite some time now i'm always waiting for something, for those somethings to fall into their rightful places. and i'm getting tired of it. i'm getting sick of the endless waiting. it's like after waiting i get to wait again for something. i hope it ends soon.

cerulean sky

"I can see it all too clearly now, the serene blue sky. the only thing that we'll be able to share. the only thing we're bound to see together in distance. And hopefully someday we'll be able to share it close to each other in some place great."

fine day dumbass

today i met with my old skulmate kate aka joji(what a lame gay alias) im gonna continue tomorrow wenk!