ebilnes

for once i actually think i'm being punished by God for all my evil deeds. i sorta got some skin allergy or something. its like my skin is being pinned by a needle and gets all itchy, men it feels like hell. i cannot believe this is happening to me, i mean i don't deserve this its killing me. even for those evil deeds haha! it just like sorta happens everyday at some point. i don't know what the hell is causing it and man i wish it stops. christmas is coming so that's why it needs to stop or better yet i need to see a doctor or something. haha! and speaking of christmas, i cannot feel the spirit of it and with less than a month to go. i mean when i was in the philippines, i can feel the spirit of christmas way in the month of september. oh well i would just have to live with this. there is nothing i can do anyway, and whining about it won't really help.

friends

i just had a long phone call from my friends which was really nice. it reminded me of the good times when i was still in the philippines. they're still doing the same old things but just without me. it seems they are good, and will continue to improve their lives. hopefuly we'll meet again someday and do our stuffs again once more. i mean i could not ask for better friends than them because i know they are the best i could ever have. the good times will come again in the near future. pray for the best in life.

unfortunately

i didn't make it in the try out. oh well i wasn't expecting anything from the beggining anyway. the try out was bad for me because i really wasn't able to show what i can do due to lack of preparation that leads to my legs unable to cope up with me and the same goes with my stamina. but i can only blame myself in that. i took things for granted. actually i wasn't expecting that my legs would fail me but it happened and i coudn't do anything which was quite dissapointing. but overall i enjoyed it even though i performed poorly. i will definetely try again if given the chance. i really do hope i do get another chance to tryout for any team cause i really want to play. but as for now i can only reflect on my mistakes so that the next time i can really put up a challenge. no regrets but only myselft to blame for failing. that is all there is to it.

try out

today i had my try out for a football/soccer club. i know i didn't do good because it's like my stamina can't cope up because i really wasn't in shape to play but even though i almost died. i withstood the 2 1/2 hour of it with no water because my mom went somewhere with my water. i know i can get in the team if i'm in good shape and if i try really really hard, i'm not quitting, i'm gonna give myself another chance even if its slim. but even if i won't make it, it's perfectly fine because i enjoyed it somehow. it was fun the americans are nice but not too much with the mexicans. there is a second try out at saturday. and there is still 2 days to at least prepare even more. i'm gonna try as hard in the last 2 days so i can at least get enough stamina to play good. i don't know if the 2 days jog to death can make a lot of difference but i know any difference is good than nothing at all.

Desperately trying to speak the words i've been wanting to say for a long time

the sadness keeps drowning my fragile heart, its like a good dream but when the conversation with my friends ends so as my good dream. it takes me back to the reality that I'm alone. no one can ever deny that fact even if you say its not because you're so far away to even say that. so most probably it will just become a lie even though how much you wanted it to become the truth. and so the sadness continues...