stress

it's nearly the start of classes. i'm so stressed with all the stuff going on, and for the fact that my mom keeps blaming me for all the shit that happened.

i always wonder why people keep crying over things that have happened; those things that cannot be changed anymore. i mean come on, seriously, people needs to stop living in the past.

someday I'll pay you all sons bitches back for all your bs.

it's a promise.

idiot: you got an S which is equivalent to negative zero.
me in my head: roflmao, negative zero ftw!

everything is seriously getting tiring, all of the crap that I'm involved in, this pathetic place that i live and with these pathetic family and relatives that i mingle with. well it's not really all about them but mostly though, i am in a stalemate in which i can't do anything to push my life forward. i can't stand the everyday stress even though school is over. there are some things or circumstances that makes my life hard. i never had an easy streak in my life, well maybe for 2-3 days but that is the most and the least. i never had it for more than a week cause there will always be that problem that will occur that will make things complicated. i hate the people i mingle with everyday for they are so fake. they backstab their friends, family and other people they know, everytime i'm with them i can see/hear their fake attitude among other people, there is just no stopping it, they feed of it like it's their source of life/energy which makes things sad. i don't know if i can stay in this place without having to reach the point where i had enough, where i simply cannot stand their behavior, their fake attitude, their mockery of me and all the other things they do, the point where i just quit. i never expected things to be like this. still i was happy the way i was raised because i learn to value and respect other people and to be honest with them as much as possible. it is just only thing, i can't think of any other way to be raised and appreciate it. to sum it all up, i just simply like my father's side the family for they are true to themselves and to other people. they always keep an open mind to things. unlike for those people where i hear bullshit and crap all the time.

i want to stop posting like this because i want to be positive again but i just can't. the situation/s just simply doesn't permit me to.

just like heaven

I will have that one point in time where i will shine. someday for sure...

And all those who looked down on me will regret that they ever have.

nothing to prove

i am seriously getting sick and tired of my mom bullshiting me about my grades. the hell i dont even care if i get a high grade, i wont get anything if i get high grades there is absolutely nothing in it for me so what's the point? and how she keeps comparing me with her co-worker's daughters, on how they are scholars, straight A grade students and other blah bullshit that i dont even care about. seriously not to brag but i can definitely surpass them if i wanted to but as i said there is nothing in it for me, i know my strengths and potential. i just don't find any reason to prove that i can attain high grades. i don't have to prove to anyone anything, simple as that so i hope they stop mocking me.

i can be great i just choose not to.

if only i could be who you wanted all the time.

i can't believe i've been living in this place for the past 7 months. i didn't felt homesick at all because i know i can always deceive myself that i feel just fine. as long as i feel ok physically then it's alright overall. i always try to hide the facts, the truths. because i can't face them. i always want to escape, far from everything, from those backstabbing people i mingle with everyday, i don't want to or need to hear what they have to say to other people. it's their problem, but every time i hear those things, i always ponder, those things always become food for my thoughts. i wish i can escape every time i want to or need to, far away from all these things, from all those people.

i always try to look ahead, for the things that might happen. they keep me going, they are my scapegoat for the disappointments and misery of the present. i am getting tired of the fake happyness. i am still in pursuit of my so called happyness. i so much miss my happy times in the philippines, those things that can never happen again, my friends which can never be replaced. and all those people who made it worthwhile. i just wish i had something that can make me happy altogether.

miss

miss ko na mga kaklase ko, mga kaibigan ko, mga pinsan ko, mga kapamilya ko, mga kadota ko, mga kagaguhan ko, si bino si toff si gaud si marc. si dom/dong mga tricycle sa kanto, mga jeep na dumadaan, mga ulan na pwedeng liguan, dotahan sa boni, ang kainan sa boni na bestfriends, ang pizza sa yellow cab, ang napaka mahal na sbarro, ang glorrietta, ang mga kaputbol ko, ang putbol, ang masasarap na pagkain na pinoy, ang pishbol, ang kwek kwek, ang chicken skin, ang kalamares, ang don bosco, mga pagsisimba, ang megamall, ang greenbelt, mga kulasa friends, mga old st paul friends, ang team gubat, ang ilog pasig, ang putbol pild sa don bosco, ang ASCOM, ang MRT, ang LRT, ang polusyon, ang bahay ni gaud, ang road trip namin nila gaud toff marc at dom, ang coke sakto, ang RC cola, ang masarap na oishi prawn crackers, at higit sa lahat na realize ko na MISS KO NA SI AYANG!!! hahahahaha!!!

dmi ko namiss, mga bagay na di na pwede balikan, mga bagay na di na pwedeng gawin ulet, iba na buhay ngayon, it will never be the same again, it will never be as happy as before. haay.. but it can always be as lame as today.

i want to get away from all this, its tiring.

tama na pag iilusyon, oras na para gumising sa katotohanan.

puta nakakainis nagdownload ako nung online game para lng malaman na di gagana yung putanginang RF na yun, tangina kasi ng nag hahandle yung netgames bano puta dapat magsara na sila dapat walang silbe, hahahahha!

excellence

i just couldn't figure out why people strive to have grades of 90 and above or just a grade which isn't below average or just passed. i know they have their reasons, but as for me, i just don't have one. i'm contented with a passing grade or an average grade cause i just don't see the point in getting a really high or good grade. yeah i know it may feel or look good, but i just don't want to overexert myself through studying. my mom is like pushing me to get a high grade of 85 and above. i just don't get it, it doesn't make sense to me that is why i don't strive for higher grades, and unless someone can give me a pretty good and reasonable reason to strive, i probably won't until that happens.

blank stare

there is no point in everything if the world doesn't make much sense.

RANT!!!!!!!!!

minsan pagsasabihan ka na nga lang wala pa sa lugar, i mean kung maayos naman at may point ung sinasabi maiintindihan ko naman pero ung dahil naisip mo lng kaya mo sinabi, nakakabwisit! palagi pa nakasigaw wala namang kaaway, ang dahilan pagod daw sa trabaho tapos nangungulit pa daw, di naman nangungulit e, masyado lang mainitin ang ulo wala naman sa lugar, chaka onting tanong sigaw nanaman, i mean may pnapagawa sya tapos syempre di naman everytime magets mo agad makakagawa ka ng mga maliliit na mishaps kaya magtatanong ka kung ano yun tapos sigawan ka pa din. amf na yan unreasonable pang tangang tao lang yung ganung reason nakakainis! tao din mga kasama mo di pwedeng laging ikaw nalang iniintindi may limitasyon din pasensya ng mga tao sa paligid mo. yung sinasabi ko lang naman is iniintindi ka naman e sana intindihin mo din kami. pif!! kaya mahirap maging masaya sa putanginang lugar na to e, wala ka na ngang matinong kaibigan wala ka pa matinong kasambahay. leche!

college

1st day of college it was quite fine but some of the teachers are too demanding but i can't complain so i'll just have to cope with it.

i liked my english class it was like the united nations, my classmates all have different nationalities. i have a korean, japanese, swiss, cameroon. micronesian, el salvador(ian?), and lastly the super hot russian. haha!

to be continued cause i was in school for 13 hours it was tiring. >_<

happiness, when will we meet?

I was never happy since i came here. still i find ways to live.

plastik

It's easier for people to pass the blame to someone else than to take the blame for themselves. it is sad really that i live in such an environment in which are infested with people with masks. you know what i mean. lucky for me and thank God i wasn't raised to be that way. I am happy and proud to be raised not to judge people even if everyone else does. it's like they make a living out of it. that's how frequent they do it.

I only want that little simple thing in life but why can't i get it

The San Diego Chargers upset the Indianapolis Colts 28 - 24

The New York Giants upset the Dallas Cowboys 21 - 18

But most of all INSOMNIA upsets me and wakes me up at 2 am and won't let me sleep until 6am for 2 freakin days.

and lastly i wasn't able to buy my so adored and anticipated PSP because all stores are out since before christmas. goddamit its already 3 weeks after christmas.

i cannot believe this, I'm so overwhelmed for the stupid fact that i can't buy what my heart wants. i can't even stay positive because who knows when will the stores get new stocks. that is just so sad, that freaking uncertainty on when i will finally be able to get it. the everyday excitement for nothing.

What is your world vision?

pls help me. visit this site it is really a big help. comment and suggestions will be a great help. http://urworldvision.blogspot.com/ . you can make a difference.

some songs remind me of the good old times.

nostalgia nostalgia nostalgia, its like a drug that keeps me alive.

mahirap tumawa mag isa. haha! nanuod ka ng movie dati may kasama ka tumawa for some certain scenes and may pwede ka mayaya almost anytime pag may gusto ka movie. ngayon minsan nalang at yung minsan na yun ikaw pa mag isa tatawa. hahaha! nakakatawa...

Just a thought

i have a thought. i think that maybe it is best to give when you are giving your little extra, that little something extra you have. i mean that when you are rich you have a lot of excess money so it's not too hard to give to charity or other institution unlike when you are a normal people who just have a little extra for themselves but instead of using that little extra for themselves they give to charity or other poor people. Because i think that when you don't have a lot of excess money it's hard for you to give but when you do give it shows how you really want to give, and shows how much of a big heart you have. I'm not saying that those rich people are not sincere with their giving to charity. everything i said was just my thought i'm not saying they are correct.